A Year of Change

I sit here typing on the new laptop that my dad bought for me. It is by no means "new", but it is working like a dream. I'm so happy right now. It's probably the reason I'm even writing this blog, but as I type I think it's best to update what exactly has been going on in my life this past semester.
I started my first semester of college at the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor. It's the most beautiful place I've been in quite a while, and it has nothing to do with the scenery. Okay, maybe a little bit... :) It's really a very beautiful campus. Anyway, back to the story.
I started my first week about the second week in August. I attended my university's welcome week. I met my welcome week mother and father, Justin French and Corbin Simmons. Along with "Ridiculous Ryan", "Bulumptuous Blake", and about 18 other wonderful people. We played a game where we paired a word that began with the first letter of our name and theirs are the only two I can remember. All through the week we adopted and recruited new family members. For the first time in my life I was actually accepted by the people around me. Even back at FBCA the first year wasn't so smooth. People didn't treat me badly, but they also didn't particularly go out of their way to ask me how I was doing. My new welcome week family actually cared about me. We were all in this new college experience together.
I'll never forget the first time I recognized the difference. It was about a week into school, and I was bored. I hadn't really met anyone in my dorm yet and I texted a few people asking them to come chill with me in the sub, our campus cafe. I texted them half-heartedly expected them to say "no, that's okay. I'm doing something else". You know one of those polite responses that people give you because they'd rather have nothing to do with you. What I got was the complete opposite. They all came. To them it probably didn't mean much to them to answer a texted message, but to someone who has been rejected even in small ways the majority of their life it meant a lot.
But I'm jumping ahead of myself a little bit. The whole point of welcome week and the subsequent "families" are to help new students acclimate to their new environment. The "parents" are to help give new freshman connections on campus to organizations, answer questions about different campus traditions, and help them meet people on campus. Throughout welcome week we play games, go to orientation, etc. If we have any questions we have our "parents" to help guide us. All the events lead up to the single most important event of the week, "Dubbing Ceremony". It's a campus tradition. All the new students, Freshman and Transfer, gather outside of Luther Memorial and we are presented with the definition of what it means to be a Crusader. My dad is a Couch Cru Captian, kinda a team of yell leaders, and he had a lot to say about that. "Crusader, never walks alone." was pretty much his anthem.
Well, what I haven't mentioned up to this point is that the whole 6-7 months leading up to this semester I was dreading coming to UMHB. I had my mind set on a college far off in Kentucky. I was sure that was were God wanted me to go. It was the first time I had "heard" what God wanted for my life, and I couldn't accept the fact I was wrong. I didn't want to go to UMHB, in fact a few years before when my high school went there for a State Choir competition, I sat out there on the Quad with my best friend on one of the swings looking around. I declared to her that "I will never come to school here. It's pretty, but I will never come to school here." When she asked me why I simply stated to her I didn't like it. After all this here I was at the dubbing ceremony for UMHB. The entire week I kept hearing everyone say, "You're here for a reason. There are no accidents. God brought you here for a reason."
Now, at the dubbing ceremony their words were echoing in my mind. They said when you were dubbed as a Crusader you were a Crusader Forever. Now, I'm not one to make promises lightly. I knew that if I was dubbed it would mean that I was staying at UMHB all four years of my college life. Maybe, that's not what it means to other people, but that's what it meant to me. In fact, the whole past year Iknew that I only wanted to attend one college. That's just my personality. I don't like "quitting", "giving up on things", or "Not finishing what I start". I abhor it. I played with the idea of going to UMHB for a semester and then transfering to my college in Kentucky, but as I sat in that dubbing ceremony chair I knew I wasn't going anywhere. I was fully prepared to walk away from that ceremony, if I didn't want to make that commitment. But as I sat there, I thought about all the things that had happened to get me to this point. God had brought UMHB out of the blue. I didn't go looking for this univeristy. Not only that God had paid for everything. I had made it to this University all on scholarship and grants from the Indian Reservation. I didn't have any debt, and here I was pouting about me being "right". Right then and there I decided I wasn't going to pout, fight, or be angry about me being here at UMHB. In fact I was going to find out what God had for me. He brought me this far it must be important. So I got up, was dubbed as a Crusader Forever and started with a whole new attitude. It wasn't one of those climatic events like in the movies, in fact, it would have been classified as "anti climatic". We didn't have fancy robes, or organized lines that would signify a ceremony. It was kinda like ordered chaos, but to me a was a defining moment. I remember walking back to my dorm that night I had a conversation with God. I promised Him I wasn't just going to sit back and wait for Him to bring me whatever He wanted for me. I wasn't going to be one of those people who said they "surrender" and then sit on their hands and never go looking for God's best. I told Him I was going to seek Him, and what He wanted for me here. I wasn't going to idle. I wasn't going to waste time. I was going to meet the people He wanted me to meet, and do what He wanted me to do.
So the next few months, that's exactly what I did, and I can't believe what I found. At UMHB they describe it as a "Home", at least its one of their goals. The pray and hope that all the faculty can become kind of your family away from home and the students will meet friends, brothers and sisters for a lifetime. I can tell you right now that is something I've always wanted. I could write a book about my first semester here. How when I trusted God He gave me everything I ever wanted. Some of the things that I thought i would never had. Things I had given up on years ago, God gave me. Things I forgot were my deepest desires He gave me. He has blessed me beyond belief this past semester, and not just in my life but in my families life. Things have changed so much. I can't even believe it. He changed the heart of my dad, and is healing my family He gave me a family here at UMHB. I have had sisters in the past. Two to be precise. Anastasia and Juji. Now I have more sisters and a miracle, BROTHERS! I love them more than I can possibly describe, and I trust them with my life. God gave me everything I didn't have the courage to ask for, and I'll never forget it. I've also grown so much in the past semester.
I am constantly filled with joy, love, and peace! Worry has not infected my heart once while I was there at UMHB. the only time it did was when I came back here to my house in Houston. I can't stop singing, I'm in love with my Savior, My God, My Daddy, My Friend. I've written songs. I've written poetry. I've done things I haven't done since I first met Him when I was four. I have returned to my first love. My heart is filled. Tis a beautiful thing. Also, I have fallen, I believe, in love with a wonderful man of God. I can't describe to you how it happened, and I can assure you that he has no idea. :) All I know is the only way I do is because of God. I never thought I could love a man. A broken sinful man, especially not a man like my father. After all these years especially the last two, it wasn't that I stopped loving my father I still love him. In fact I probably love him more. It was more like, I don't think I'd have the strength to love a man like him. More like, I wouldn't be enough to love a man with my father's type of past. I don't have the patience. I don't have the love in my heart that would help me love a man.
Then like an avalanche, love filled my heart for a man that I barely knew. In fact, when I finally admitted to myself that I loved him, the only thing I knew about him was that He was a man of God. But for me that was enough, because the love I had for him wasn't my own. It was the same with my best friend Anastasia. Before I met her I didn't think I could ever love someone enough to call them "best friend", and then a year later God brought her into my life in a very direct way. Now, nearly a year after I proclaimed to that same best friend, "I don't think I'll ever get married, because I don't think I could ever love a man that much or in that way. I can't see how I ever could?".
Well, I'm here to tell you I still don't know how I do, but somehow I do. I can only attribute it to God. He opened my heart to him, and I hope if it pleases the Lord to do so that He will open his heart to mine. Either way I am thankful, because I know now that I can love that deeply, perhaps even deeper than that.
After years of running away from Him, I have finally ran back to my Lord. He has brought me back to His side. I can hear His voice again. I'm not distracted by the world, or its lies. I am captivated by His love once more. He is all I see. I don't want anything else. I feel cherished like I was when I was little. I see myself how God sees me for the first time since I was a little girl. I see myself as his daughter, his princess. I see myself for what He has made me. I used the analogy of my name. It means "Pleasant". God gave me that name before I was born. HE gave me that name, and I believe it was for the moments when I believe I'm worthless. When I feel I am just a burden, or when my mistakes take me too far away to be saved. When I feel I am nothing but a disappointment. God gave me that name to remind me that I am fully pleasing, not by my own power, but because He has made me that way. God calls me "Pleasant" who am I to say I am other wise? lol. my last name also means "Flowers". I like to say that I am in full bloom. I really believe that. My time is come. My ministry full fledged what I was made to do has come. I think I might write that book, but not just about this last semester but about my life. Perhaps, one day I'll publish it. Perhaps not. All I know probably as long as I live I will never finish "talking" about all that He's done.
Psalm 40:5

"Oh Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them."

Oh Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.

Family

So this past semester at college has been life altering. It's been amazing! I can't even begin to tell of all the things that have happened. I fell in love with my Lord again, and at the same time he brought a man into my life and filled my heart with love for him as well. God broke my heart for what is breaking His. My faith has been tested in ways that I never would have imagined. He has given me His strength. He has given me His words. He has changed me. Explicitly.
Love does not begin to cover it. My whole life I have been rejected by those who I desired so much to feel a part of. These people who call themselves Christians, who were supposed to be my brothers and sisters rejected me every day of my life, and now finally, when I thought that I would never see it God gave me what I never thought I'd have. He gave me something that I had given up on ever attaining. I was content with being alone, but HE...HE gave me that which I most desired, a family. He gave me not only sisters but brothers. Beautiful brothers who love me. Who are protective of me. Who pray for me. Who will for me to succeed and give me the encouragement I need to attain that which I seek. I've never had brothers. I've never had family. Even my own biological family rejected me. I decided that I am meant to be alone, but God showed me other wise.
Family. What a beautiful word. :') I'm a part of the family, and not just that I FEEL like I am. I am accepted. I am even loved for all the reasons people have hated me my entire life. Not only do they love me, but we are running this race together. Another thing I have always wanted. It's crazy. It's insane. It's unbelievable, but that's how God works.
"When nothing else could ever help, and I can't do this by myself. Love lifted me."
I love hymns. That one really means a lot. Words could never express.

Falling in Love

Oh! The Lord is so good! He revealed something amazing to me this past Thursday. He brought a man of God into my life who brought me a message that I've been needing to hear for quite some time. I wish I could tell you, but I just can't. It's to precious and wonderful to my heart for me to just display it online.
Know that it has been life altering. Know that I have been told the thing I've been needing to hear. And that this Man of God is beautiful. He goes with the Lord, and I am blessed to have met him.
I went to something called "worship on the quad", and there the Lord used him as his mouthpiece. He got eye to eye with me and told me things about myself that I had never told him. Some of the things I had never told anyone. So do not think that I have been mislead. I have been led in truth, and I know a lie when I see it.
Oh! How I wish I could write it, but I fear it is not yet its time. Maybe one day I'll post it, but as for now know that I go with God as a Woman of God. Ready and willing to bring the good news to all that don't know Him! =]
I have never felt so cherished in my life! <3 <3

Far away

Oh, Lord.
Why?
Why is it that you can feel so close one moment, and thousands of miles away the next. Can I really go that far so fast? How do I get side tracked? How do I lose sight? One moment I'm in your arms, and the next I'm searching blindly for You.
I'm here in this place that you have brought me. I am living and learning and loving, but I long to be in your presence. It's like I'm missing a part of myself when i feel far away from you. I know your there. I know your listening, and even while I wander around aimlessly you are already running to me, but I can't help but miss you.
You are here. You are in this room, and inside of me, but how can I feel so far away?

Joy comes in the Morning

Here I am with tears stains on my face, but they are not of anguish! NAY! They are of joy! The glorious joy that only God can give! Oh, how long the nights have been these last two years. I thought He had forgotten. I thought He hadn't heard. How can I question the wonderful Lord, He hears and He answers! He is beyond words! I cannot even speak.
Oh, the most beautiful thing these eyes have seen in so long has happened this wonderful morning!
For those of you who have read "Hold My Heart" my blog and my other blog about being kicked out, you will join me in my rejoicing.
For two years I have been at odds with my parents, because of our spiritual stagnancy. I have prayed so hard for so long for my parents these past two years of struggle. Today I had a wonderful conversation with my dad. He sat there across the table from me as I started a normal conversation with him. Then it turned. A glorious turn.
It went from talking about politics to the state of my mother in the morning, and then to her relationship with my dad. Now, I have already had a conversation with my mom about how she feels so I guess it was my dad's turn. I was so nervous, but the words came so smoothly. They were the things I had longed for so long to tell my parents, because they weren't my words. They were the truth of God that my parents had taught me since I was a small child. They are always telling me how to handle situations. Even now when they are struggling to maintain their spiritual walks they still manage to supply me with the guidance they can't seem to follow.
There is nothing as disheartening as seeing the problems your parents are holding on to, and do nothing about it. It's even harder to handle when the very thing they're struggling with is what you have been freed from.
I finally told my dad about how where they are at is where I was when I was in 6th grade lonely, depressed and suicidal. I was trying to handle it all on my own, but I couldn't. Even though Jesus was my Savior i wasn't leaving everything at the cross. It wasn't until He came for me that I finally gave everything to Him. He called me out, and I came running back. It was small steps over several years, but I eventually learned to let go of everything and give it to Him.
I hadn't known how far away I had strayed until I surveyed the time gone by.
Now here I am delivered from it all and I see my parents in the same situation I was in. I wanted to scream to them that God will deliver them too! That they don't have to be there anymore. They can be healed! Oh, I knew what they needed to hear, but I am their child it's not my place to tell them. I have to respect their authority.
The Lord, being so amazing and all knowing as He is, knew my concerns and led other people to help minister to my parents. I wasn't the only mouthpiece. It seems silly to concern myself with myself. God is God. He isn't limited to me! haha! Oh, how beautifully true that statement is. Oh! I want to sing. I want to dance with joy! I want to fall to my knees! I want to cry! The Lord is so amazing! Oh, I can't say enough about MY wonderful Lord.
When I had given up on my parents. When I thought there was no hope. When I couldn't see past that night's tears, He was moving. He was delivering. He was comforting. He was loving! how amazing He is!
I thought all that pain would be for nothing. That I had failed the Lord. But I say, "Do not become weary in doing good" because the Lord ALWAYS delivers! He has delivered. I have seen a small change in my dad. One that I had said before I would give anything to see, and behold my eyes have seen it! and I still can't believe it. How wonderful the Lord is! I have asked Him to show me how He moves, and now that I've seen it I still find it to amazing to believe! haha!
Oh, I am so happy i could sleep. The Lord is pulling my parents from the darkness just like He pulled me.
Love lifted me. When nothing else could ever help and I couldn't do this by myself. Love lifted me!

I LOVE YOU!

This story is not about me. It's about a close friend of mine.

HATE YOU!
*gasp*
I HATE YOU!
*tear*
I HATE YOU!

How could you do this to me?!
Why did you do this to me?!
I trusted you!
So explicitely,
I let you in
when no one else could touch me
you RUINED me!

I really shouldn't expect much from you...
You never changed.
No matter how hard I wished,
No matter how hard I cried,
No matter how hard I begged you to be different,
you never changed.

You sat their with your crooked little grin.
You called me a Baby.
I am a Baby.
Your Baby.
The one you decided to throw away.
I was supposed to be your precious daughter,
instead I became an orphan searching for a father.

You weren't the man I needed,
You were the man I wanted.
The man I loved with all my heart
without restraint
but now full of regret.

I waited for you for so long!
I stood on those front steps
WAITING for you!
Can't you see,
my little footprints marked by the rain.
I waited!

You were always just around the corner,
You were always on your way back to me.
I remember the day I realized you weren't coming back.
That you were NEVER coming back.

I told mama, no.
I called her a liar.
I told her I knew you were coming.
You wouldn't do this to me.
You wouldn't leave me all alone!
I was wrong.

It broke my fragile heart,
You were suppossed to show me how to love.
You were suppossed to protect me.
You were supposed to be my Daddy.
Even when a new man came into my life,
All I could see was you leaving me again!

There were nights when I could hear your car coming up the street,
and when things got tough I still hoped you would swoop in to save the day.
But you never came.
Even years after I let my anger wash over me,
and bitterness stained my soul.
Even after I let the hatred bath over me,
I still wanted you.

Then I remembered
I called out to you, and you never came.
I cried for you!
You didn't care!
You went off and made a new family,
And unlike me they got to share the love
I was unworthy of.

Even now as I think about it
It fills me with sorrow that
With every breathe my chest gets tighter,
my heart heavier!
No matter how much I try to hate you
It hurts me more than it could ever hurt you!

It hurts that you NEVER wanted me, but
I'm still that little girl waiting for you.
I'm still that little girl waiting in the pouring rain,
Watching your brake lights head off in the distance,
wishing,
hoping you'd come back this time.
Can't you see that I Love you!

I LOVE YOU!
How could you do this to me?
I love you...

My Story

This story is fiction.

"Everyone has a story to tell. What will you say?"
Recently I was purposed with this question. At the time a plethora of things went rolling through my head. Questions. Statements. Some made valid points others I decided to rebuke. (They were a long the lines of "Who would are?" and "Why does it matter?") All entirely unhelpful to actually answering the question.
My professor challenged all of us to sit down and write about a page of what our story would say. He gave us an hour in class to complete the assignment. The clock ticked and tocked the whole way through, and somehow I still couldn't find the words to say.
My story? What did that even mean? I was baffeled, at a loss for MY words to MY story. What did he want me to say?
As Iooked up from my thoughts and realized that there was only 15 minutes left, I decided not to write a mere summary of my life and its events. Instead I wrote this:
"MY STORY" by Penelope Morgan

"Of all the things I could write this topic should be the simplest. Who knows me better than me? I could entertain you with my witicisms and ponderings of a simpleton, challenge you with the truth or comfort you with the details of my personal pain. Of all the things I could say, this is the easiest. No matter what words leave my mouth or are formed by my pen, nothing shouts louder than the words my actions write.
I could spend an hour simply informing you of what I believe, who I am and what led me to these conclusions, but my story isn't written in ink. It can't be contained by the confides of paper. It isn't simply made of great events and special occasions.
My story is seen everyday with the every breathe, every glance, smile, tear, touch or gesture. The smallest parts ofme scream of the deepest parts of myself.
So again, I could spend an hour giving you useless facts about my life, but that's not my story. My life is, and you have a front row seat to my one woman show."

As I finished up my little essay I thought, "UGH! Why couldn't you simply answer the question?"
I turned in my paper with what I'm sure was a look of worry written on my face (pun intended). I could almost feel the "F" coming my way. I quietly slinked out of the classroom disappointed with myself.
I debated the next day about asking the professor to redo the assignment, but I decided that I should take what was given to me. I walked into class not very hopeful. I could see the stack of papers neatly positioned at the corner of the professor's desk taunting me.
I sat down in my usual seat and slid as far down as I possibly could prepared for the worst. The professor started as usual, right on time.
As I waited for him to pass out the papers something strange happened. Instead of handing out the first paper, he began to read it. As the words swirled to through the air, I realized he was reading MY paper. Didn't see that one coming.
After he finished he looked up at me from behind his reading glasses and said,
"This young woman chose not, like many of you did, to simply rattle off, as she puts it, "useless facts" about herself.
Although it was wonderful to learn about your many colorful personal lives and beliefs, she alone understood my original question. 'What will you say?' She took it one step further. She realized that no mere description could contain the depth of the impact her everyday actions have in the novel of her life. Like many good authors, she knows that she may be the author of her story, but it is her audience that will determine its meaning. Superb job Ms. Morgan".

Immortality

How beautiful life is,
Full of breath,
The heart beating rhythmically beneath the chest.
How quickly it can be stolen,
Life's melody interupted.

How marvelous its affect even after death.
For life goes on,
by the inspiration it left behind
Not in it's brief song.

My Dear John Letter

What's up world?
Nothing changed much?
or has everything changed?
You aren't exactly the most stable basis of morals or truths.
In fact, for most of my life I believed your lies.
And at first things went well.
I forgot all about the truths God had whispered
quietly into my young ears and heart
I decided that your loud bleating voice must be who I turned to.
So I filled myself with your pride,
with YOUR justice, and feel good attitude,
but you know what?
at the end of the day nothing had changed.
I was still empty.
I didn't hear it at the time,
but God was calling out to me.
I was so far away there were times His voice was just
a small echo reverberating through my mind.
I couldn't see it at the time,
but He was moving.
His hand was reaching out to me,
and I was the chasm seperating the two of us.

Just like the dark before the morning when everything is black
and all I could see was you,
skewing my view,
He was preparing a painting.

Just like the silence before the birds sing,
and all I could hear was your guilt driven shameful sorrow washing over me,
He was preparing a symphony.

And in that silence, that utter darkness
when I thought all was lost
and I was too far gone.
I felt His touch.
I heard His voice.
I saw His truth.

I had fought hard to forget,
that what I see is what I get.
His beauty,
His love,
All for me.
Paid at high cost
on that Blessed tree.

I had fought hard to forget,
that all my shame and all my regret,
All My Fear
All My Anger
All these jagged pieces
Are loved beyond belief.

That He loved me enough
To set me Free.

All this came flooding back to me.
And when I reached out for His hand,
It was there.
Not like YOU so many times before.
When i cried out to Him,
He took me into His arms.
He was everything I ever wanted.

So many nights I wished someone would love me unconditionally.
So many nights I wished someone could look past all my doubts and insecurities.
So many nights I wished someone like Him would come along.
I promised myself I would settle for ANYTHING similiar.
I wasted so much time running from Him,
when He was all I
needed
wanted.

So here I am, world, writing my Dear John letter to you.
Here are all your broken promises
and lies.
I don't want them any more.

Here are all your chains
I don't need them any more.

Here's the person you thought you could destroy.
Here's the person who tried so desperately to impress you.
Here's the insecruity, shame, rage, fear, doubt, and lies you gave to me.
I'm replacing them with confidence, honor, patience, and truth.
I am new.
and no matter what you do,
I have Him to Pull Me Through.

So Long World,
I found the best.

Realm of Possibilities

So, I’m coming to the end of my Senior year of high school, and I find myself feeling excited and extremely scared. Well, scared isn’t the correct word. I guess Anxious would be more exact. It’s like I’m at the precipice of complete freedom and ready to jump, but something is keeping me safe on the ground.

Which is cool and everything, I mean who wants to jump off a cliff and hit the ground, but maybe, just maybe I have a glider on my back and if i jump I could experience what it means to fly. Is it worth the jump?

Sometimes I want complete freedom. The freedom to make my own decisions, to live like I want to live, to go out and reach all my goals, but something keeps me back. it’s not the fear of the responsibilities like most adults think it is. I have no problem taking those on. I think it’s the fear of the unknown. No…

I guess it’s like that quote that everyone loves to put in movies. “Your biggest fear isn’t the fear of being inadequate, but that you are more powerful beyond measure.”

I’d say for that’s a big yes. Not to sound cocky, but I have been given many “gifts”. I’m talented in almost everything I do, so when people give me the advice of, “find something you love to do and go for it” doesn’t really help me. Cause, like any other normal human being you love to do what your good at.

Like, I’m not just “good” at things I excel at them. So, if I’m good in so many things what do I do? Yeah, I know, “Poor you, Miss I have more talent than I know what to do with. I feel really sorry for you.”

I know. I’ve heard it all before, but honestly I wish I knew which thing to pick. Because I enjoy doing all those things, but I don’t “love” any one of them.

My youth pastor asked us the other day, “When you think of one thing that is your thing, what is it? When other people look at you, what do they say is the thing you do?”

Well, depending on what other people know me for, they give me different answers. My parents say music. My friends say videos/film. Others say basketball. Teachers say writing.  People I meet say I’m really funny, like stand up comic funny. It just depends. So, where’s my place in this world? I’m good at so many things, it’s like if I wasn’t good at anything. I wouldn’t know where I’d stand.

I’m not wanting to lose my “gifts”, nor do I want to find the ONE thing I can do for the rest of my life. I want to know why I was given all these talents and gifts, and what God wants me to do with all of them. There has got to be a reason.

Recently I made the decision to follow after God in the form of missions. Now, I don’t know if that means becoming a Missionary that travels the world, or a missionary to the people I’m around. Either way, it was just a declaration of giving my life completely to God. Every day of my life. Every thought. Every action. EVERTHING.

It’s funny. Nothing has “changed” per say. i mean, I’m not in a new city. I’m not in a foreign country. I’m not even out of high school. so superficially it seems that nothing has changed, but with that one action EVERYTHING has changed.

I feel like I opened the door of my life to God, and He’s leading me toward the precipice and not given me a glider but wings.

So, why do I feel stuck? I don’t know. I guess it’s the final countdown. He’s letting me finish what I’ve started here in this house, in this school, in this state of mind, and He’s getting me ready to let go.

Let go of all my doubts, and worries. All my anxious thoughts, all of my cares and desires. Everything. So, He can give me everything I’ve ever wanted.

I don’t know if that means marriage, or graduating from college. I have no clue, but I’m sure whatever it turns out to be it’ll be beyond my wildest dreams.

I can imagine what my life will be like 5 years from now, but I don’t see the accomplishments or my personal victories. When I see “myself” 5 years from now, I don’t see ME. I see Him. I see Him in every aspect of my life. I see Him in my heart, mind, soul. I see Him in every word, action, smile. I see myself talking to Him about everything. All my wants and needs.  I see Him leading me to the Man I will marry. I see myself trusting Him even if I don’t ever get married. I see myself doing His work. I see myself dying for Him, happily joyously. I see myself seeing Him. That’s what I see.

It gets me excited. I want to jump now, but it’s not time. Not yet. It’s all in His good timing. I just have to be patient, and enjoy the ride of my lifetime.

The One I love

May he love you, oh Lord, today.

Anyone he meets may they see You in him.

Ready his spirit, oh Lord, against the evil one.

Keep him under your banner of protection, and let no one or thing bring him harm.

Everyday let him know you more.

With an able heart let him work after you.

In everything he does may it be to your glory.

Lead him in the right way and from evil.

Let him seek you in all that he does.

In anything that happens let him praise you.

All the day, may he depend on you.

May his family guard him and protect him throughout his day.

Send someone today to show him Your love.