Joy comes in the Morning

Here I am with tears stains on my face, but they are not of anguish! NAY! They are of joy! The glorious joy that only God can give! Oh, how long the nights have been these last two years. I thought He had forgotten. I thought He hadn't heard. How can I question the wonderful Lord, He hears and He answers! He is beyond words! I cannot even speak.
Oh, the most beautiful thing these eyes have seen in so long has happened this wonderful morning!
For those of you who have read "Hold My Heart" my blog and my other blog about being kicked out, you will join me in my rejoicing.
For two years I have been at odds with my parents, because of our spiritual stagnancy. I have prayed so hard for so long for my parents these past two years of struggle. Today I had a wonderful conversation with my dad. He sat there across the table from me as I started a normal conversation with him. Then it turned. A glorious turn.
It went from talking about politics to the state of my mother in the morning, and then to her relationship with my dad. Now, I have already had a conversation with my mom about how she feels so I guess it was my dad's turn. I was so nervous, but the words came so smoothly. They were the things I had longed for so long to tell my parents, because they weren't my words. They were the truth of God that my parents had taught me since I was a small child. They are always telling me how to handle situations. Even now when they are struggling to maintain their spiritual walks they still manage to supply me with the guidance they can't seem to follow.
There is nothing as disheartening as seeing the problems your parents are holding on to, and do nothing about it. It's even harder to handle when the very thing they're struggling with is what you have been freed from.
I finally told my dad about how where they are at is where I was when I was in 6th grade lonely, depressed and suicidal. I was trying to handle it all on my own, but I couldn't. Even though Jesus was my Savior i wasn't leaving everything at the cross. It wasn't until He came for me that I finally gave everything to Him. He called me out, and I came running back. It was small steps over several years, but I eventually learned to let go of everything and give it to Him.
I hadn't known how far away I had strayed until I surveyed the time gone by.
Now here I am delivered from it all and I see my parents in the same situation I was in. I wanted to scream to them that God will deliver them too! That they don't have to be there anymore. They can be healed! Oh, I knew what they needed to hear, but I am their child it's not my place to tell them. I have to respect their authority.
The Lord, being so amazing and all knowing as He is, knew my concerns and led other people to help minister to my parents. I wasn't the only mouthpiece. It seems silly to concern myself with myself. God is God. He isn't limited to me! haha! Oh, how beautifully true that statement is. Oh! I want to sing. I want to dance with joy! I want to fall to my knees! I want to cry! The Lord is so amazing! Oh, I can't say enough about MY wonderful Lord.
When I had given up on my parents. When I thought there was no hope. When I couldn't see past that night's tears, He was moving. He was delivering. He was comforting. He was loving! how amazing He is!
I thought all that pain would be for nothing. That I had failed the Lord. But I say, "Do not become weary in doing good" because the Lord ALWAYS delivers! He has delivered. I have seen a small change in my dad. One that I had said before I would give anything to see, and behold my eyes have seen it! and I still can't believe it. How wonderful the Lord is! I have asked Him to show me how He moves, and now that I've seen it I still find it to amazing to believe! haha!
Oh, I am so happy i could sleep. The Lord is pulling my parents from the darkness just like He pulled me.
Love lifted me. When nothing else could ever help and I couldn't do this by myself. Love lifted me!

Perspective

So there comes a time in ever person's life when they finally make it through one of the darkest nights and see that beautiful sunrise coming up over the horizon. Have you ever noticed the way the sky slowly brightens at the breaking dawn? It's one of the most beautiful sites i have ever beheld, and for some reason that one moment of the early morning makes my day before it has even begun. Perhaps it was all the trips to Oklahoma when i was a child. We'd be up all night excited and packing getting ready to leave for the long 10 hour trip to the Texas-Oklahoma state line. I'd be exhausted from running around our culdesac at midnight with my friends, but somehow I always timed it just right. I'd wake up to that beautiful sunrise, and eventhough the ksbj signal had been long out of reach of our humble van, it was like seeing God conduct a symphony ever year. Every year i would get so excited seeing that gorgeous sunset, but as the years went on and friends traveled with us there seemed to be more distractions keeping me away from this glorious symphony. Things in my life started getting in the way, blinding me to this wondorous creation, deafening me to my Saviour's voice, until that wondorous sunrise was nothing more than just another day.
Which makes me think now about how much life gets in the way of our lives. I know that's sounds like a contradiction, but so is the concept of being alive but not really living. It's a concept readily excepted, that i hear constantly from my compadres. As a teenager in high school you can imagine how many times i hear people say something to the effect of "I can't wait to graduate so i can really start living..." I hear it almost everyday not always so much in words as in attitudes, attitudes of complacency. The real problem doesn't lie in our lives, but in our view of them.
The sunrise I saw as a child doesn't differ from the one I see every morning. The only thing different was my perspective. Since those wonderful days of my child till now, so much has changed. I no longer make those annual trips to Oklahoma. I think the season for those days has passed, but my family and I recently took a trip to Reno. We traveled through the Texas panhandle to the country side of New Mexico, the beautiful Mountains of Arizona and the tempting desert of Nevada, and with long and weary day I caught a glimpse of what I saw when I was child. I realized it wasn't just the breaking dawn or the rolling plains. It wasn't the height of the intimidating mountains or the vast desert lands that I was gazing upon. No, it was it's Creator. He is what amazed my young mind. He is what made the sun rise, the moutains stand and the land stretch far and wide.
So today as you go about your business, don't forget to look for your Creator. He's everywhere...

Hebrews 11:3
"By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible."