Joy comes in the Morning

Here I am with tears stains on my face, but they are not of anguish! NAY! They are of joy! The glorious joy that only God can give! Oh, how long the nights have been these last two years. I thought He had forgotten. I thought He hadn't heard. How can I question the wonderful Lord, He hears and He answers! He is beyond words! I cannot even speak.
Oh, the most beautiful thing these eyes have seen in so long has happened this wonderful morning!
For those of you who have read "Hold My Heart" my blog and my other blog about being kicked out, you will join me in my rejoicing.
For two years I have been at odds with my parents, because of our spiritual stagnancy. I have prayed so hard for so long for my parents these past two years of struggle. Today I had a wonderful conversation with my dad. He sat there across the table from me as I started a normal conversation with him. Then it turned. A glorious turn.
It went from talking about politics to the state of my mother in the morning, and then to her relationship with my dad. Now, I have already had a conversation with my mom about how she feels so I guess it was my dad's turn. I was so nervous, but the words came so smoothly. They were the things I had longed for so long to tell my parents, because they weren't my words. They were the truth of God that my parents had taught me since I was a small child. They are always telling me how to handle situations. Even now when they are struggling to maintain their spiritual walks they still manage to supply me with the guidance they can't seem to follow.
There is nothing as disheartening as seeing the problems your parents are holding on to, and do nothing about it. It's even harder to handle when the very thing they're struggling with is what you have been freed from.
I finally told my dad about how where they are at is where I was when I was in 6th grade lonely, depressed and suicidal. I was trying to handle it all on my own, but I couldn't. Even though Jesus was my Savior i wasn't leaving everything at the cross. It wasn't until He came for me that I finally gave everything to Him. He called me out, and I came running back. It was small steps over several years, but I eventually learned to let go of everything and give it to Him.
I hadn't known how far away I had strayed until I surveyed the time gone by.
Now here I am delivered from it all and I see my parents in the same situation I was in. I wanted to scream to them that God will deliver them too! That they don't have to be there anymore. They can be healed! Oh, I knew what they needed to hear, but I am their child it's not my place to tell them. I have to respect their authority.
The Lord, being so amazing and all knowing as He is, knew my concerns and led other people to help minister to my parents. I wasn't the only mouthpiece. It seems silly to concern myself with myself. God is God. He isn't limited to me! haha! Oh, how beautifully true that statement is. Oh! I want to sing. I want to dance with joy! I want to fall to my knees! I want to cry! The Lord is so amazing! Oh, I can't say enough about MY wonderful Lord.
When I had given up on my parents. When I thought there was no hope. When I couldn't see past that night's tears, He was moving. He was delivering. He was comforting. He was loving! how amazing He is!
I thought all that pain would be for nothing. That I had failed the Lord. But I say, "Do not become weary in doing good" because the Lord ALWAYS delivers! He has delivered. I have seen a small change in my dad. One that I had said before I would give anything to see, and behold my eyes have seen it! and I still can't believe it. How wonderful the Lord is! I have asked Him to show me how He moves, and now that I've seen it I still find it to amazing to believe! haha!
Oh, I am so happy i could sleep. The Lord is pulling my parents from the darkness just like He pulled me.
Love lifted me. When nothing else could ever help and I couldn't do this by myself. Love lifted me!

Behind The Scenes

Okie Dokey! I wrote this passage a LONG time ago in like a 10 or 20 minute writing session. I was in my english class, and my teacher told us a writing exercise. You sit down at your desk you think of an idea, and you write somthing all in one sitting. Well, for some reason the idea of a school shooting was on my mind. I think it was because I dreamed of a girl shooting people at my school/church a few months before. (it really was one of the most terrifying nights of my life, especially because some of my dreams come true) Anyhoo, I got the urge to write, and when I finally sat down this is what happend. Well, close to this has been edited just a little bit, but still a really LONG time ago. I hope you enjoy it. It really feels close to my heart, and I have been told that the emotions feel quite real, so in the even that what I have been told is true. Strap yourself in! It's gonna be a bumpy ride.









Kim walked sluggishly down the hallway, bumping into people she had never met. Three years at this highschool, she should know most of them. They were people she walked past everyday. The same faces in the crowd, filled with worry about their grades or about trouble at home. Penelope had always been her crutch. She was the only friend she ever had since grade school. They had met in 4th grade. Kim had always been the outcast, but Penelope had been a shining light amongst the darkness. She was the only one who greeted Kim in their old school. She was the only one to take time out to care about her.
Those memories pierced Kim's heart like a double-edged sword. She fought back tears as she hurried to the girl's bathroom. The memory of screams flooded back into her mind. People were running, fighting for a way out. Kim slipped tossing her books across the floor as she fell to her knees, but it didn't stop those memories. The chaos in her mind began to increase with each passing second.
Kim reached for her neck. It wasn't there!
"NO!" whispered Kim.
She searched the floor frantically. Crawling and patting every square inch of the tile.
"The necklace, the necklace..." whispered Kim. "No, NO!"
Kim began to cry as she searched, "WHERE IS IT? no, no, no, no."
A boy came over to try to calm her down, but as soon as he touched her, the most horrible memory of all came flooding into her mind.
He had had a mask, but she would never forget that voice. He had grabbed her arm and flung her across the room knocking her head against the wall. She remembered the blood trickling down her face and the gun pointed at her. The thoughts of that day swirled inside her head, then she remembered the gunshot.
For a few seconds, her mind was a cold empty pit, but then Penelope's dead body flashed before her eyes. The intense emotion that flooded back was more than she could handle.
Kim snapped back into reality to the words of the boy, "It's ok. Calm down."
Kim's eyes were dull and cold, her face was pale. The boy reached for her arm again, but she moved and pushed herself against the wall.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!" she screamed. "NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Kim pulled herself into a tight ball as she tried to block out those horrible memories, but the images kept flashing before her eyes.
Teachers came running into the hallway trying to calm the frantic student.
Then a young man came running down the hallway. He pushed his way through the crowd that had formed. He grabbed her hand and pushed something into them.
Kim's scream caught in her throat. The feel of the cool metal in her hands brought back the tears, but it had stopped her screams. She opened her hands to find the necklace. The beautiful silver flashed in the sunlight. She clutched it next to her heart as the nurse gently coaxed her off the floor.
Before she walked off she turned and whispered, "Thank you, Rueben."
He nodded his head to her as she walked off.
Rueben had been down the hallway when he had heard her scream. Immediately he knew it was the necklace. It was the only thing she had that tied her back to reality. Without it the horrifying memories invaded, he had seen it happen twice before, but this time had been the worst.
The bell rang and all the teachers and students picked up their things and hurried off to their classes. Rueben swung his backpack over his shoulder and walked down the long hallway toward the nurses office. His only hope was that they would let Kim stay in school. "Only one more week," he thought. "One more week and it'll be summer."








I often times want to add to this and give it a more happier ending, but I realized not to long after writing it that the purpose of this passage isn't to give a wonderfully constructed story. It's purpose was to make the audience FEEL the pain and mental anguish. To realize that there's more than just the outside. There's more going on "Behind the Scenes". So, if you wish there was a happier or more fulfilling ending. You're not the only one! I wish it to, but I was in such a different place in my life when I wrote it that I honestly don't know how to even begin. Perhaps, one day I'll write a continuation of Kim's story, because I think she deserves her redemption. I guess you'll just have to wait and see. =]