Make War for Love

I know that sounds like a weird title compared to the popular slogan "Make Love not War", but when we think about this from a Christian perspective the title really is more what we should be aiming for not the world's slogan. It may seem like a contradictory statement, but it's not.
Ephesians makes it really clear that we are in a spiritual battle. "For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world.  Against spiritual wickedness in high places."
As Christians we also know that Satan is "like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour", meaning he is not our ally, but our sworn enemy. And we also know that this war is not for land, not for wealth, or even reputation, but for souls. So, when we look at our main purpose as Christians we can see is that we are to bring Him Glory. That's what we were made for and we do this, through our praise, our worship, our thanks, and by the way we live our lives.
I'm learning in my Brit Lit course about King Arthur and his knights.The main purpose for the codes of chivalry were not to be outstanding knights for the sake of being an outstanding knight, but because the way in which a knight conducts himself reflected upon his king. It's the same in our battle, but with a little more at stake. Not only do we reflect our Lord through our actions, but also our actions, the way we prepare, equip or carry out our duty can determine how we can respond in the future. If we don't stay in constant pray and in the Word so that we may be ready for battle "in the evil day, and having done all to stand". We will fall, and we will fall in such a way that can hinder us for a long time after wards. We will not be defeated, but because of our mistake, because we did not take care of our responsiblity, we let opportunities that we could have done God's work pass us by. And because of this sometimes, a person can miss their last opportunity for someone to reach out to them, or their sufferings can be prolonged, because we did not do what the Lord had for us to do. Sometimes, He simply gives the priveledge and honor to someone else, and we miss out on the blessing of living our faith and seeing the fruits of our labor.
This is what I find myself thinking, contemplating and praying over. I don't want to miss the opportunities that the Lord has for me. I have already missed so many, and I don't want to get to heaven someday and know that there should have been thousands more, hundreds, tens or even one person who could have been their if I had taken care of the responsiblity that was entrusted to me.
This kinda reminds me of the parable of the talents. Jesus gave different servants a different number of talents, but at the end the one who didn't do anything to multiply his wealth was rebuked and his privilege was given to another. I don't want to be that lazy servant who does nothing with what the Lord has blessed me with. I want to be the good servant that the Lord keeps pouring out His privilege to, who God pours out His blessing to. The one on the day I see Him that He says to, "Well, done my good and faithful servant."
That's the one I want to be. I want to know that I made the most of this precious life that He's given me. So, in turn I will make War against the evils of this world, the evil one and all his followers, so that those who do not know the Lord can have many opportunities to see His face, feel His love and know His healing. 
I will make war that they may one day feel His love.
I will make war through my prayers.
I will make war through the standard at which I conduct my life.
I will make war by the words that I speak in gentleness and truth.
I will make war by the way I love.
I will Make War for Love.
the Love of a Father,
Saviour,
Comforter,
Friend,
King,
and Lord.
I will make war for the one who made war for me, and who can give you the Love you've been to afraid to ask for and have only dreamt of.
I will make War for Love.

Realm of Possibilities

So, I’m coming to the end of my Senior year of high school, and I find myself feeling excited and extremely scared. Well, scared isn’t the correct word. I guess Anxious would be more exact. It’s like I’m at the precipice of complete freedom and ready to jump, but something is keeping me safe on the ground.

Which is cool and everything, I mean who wants to jump off a cliff and hit the ground, but maybe, just maybe I have a glider on my back and if i jump I could experience what it means to fly. Is it worth the jump?

Sometimes I want complete freedom. The freedom to make my own decisions, to live like I want to live, to go out and reach all my goals, but something keeps me back. it’s not the fear of the responsibilities like most adults think it is. I have no problem taking those on. I think it’s the fear of the unknown. No…

I guess it’s like that quote that everyone loves to put in movies. “Your biggest fear isn’t the fear of being inadequate, but that you are more powerful beyond measure.”

I’d say for that’s a big yes. Not to sound cocky, but I have been given many “gifts”. I’m talented in almost everything I do, so when people give me the advice of, “find something you love to do and go for it” doesn’t really help me. Cause, like any other normal human being you love to do what your good at.

Like, I’m not just “good” at things I excel at them. So, if I’m good in so many things what do I do? Yeah, I know, “Poor you, Miss I have more talent than I know what to do with. I feel really sorry for you.”

I know. I’ve heard it all before, but honestly I wish I knew which thing to pick. Because I enjoy doing all those things, but I don’t “love” any one of them.

My youth pastor asked us the other day, “When you think of one thing that is your thing, what is it? When other people look at you, what do they say is the thing you do?”

Well, depending on what other people know me for, they give me different answers. My parents say music. My friends say videos/film. Others say basketball. Teachers say writing.  People I meet say I’m really funny, like stand up comic funny. It just depends. So, where’s my place in this world? I’m good at so many things, it’s like if I wasn’t good at anything. I wouldn’t know where I’d stand.

I’m not wanting to lose my “gifts”, nor do I want to find the ONE thing I can do for the rest of my life. I want to know why I was given all these talents and gifts, and what God wants me to do with all of them. There has got to be a reason.

Recently I made the decision to follow after God in the form of missions. Now, I don’t know if that means becoming a Missionary that travels the world, or a missionary to the people I’m around. Either way, it was just a declaration of giving my life completely to God. Every day of my life. Every thought. Every action. EVERTHING.

It’s funny. Nothing has “changed” per say. i mean, I’m not in a new city. I’m not in a foreign country. I’m not even out of high school. so superficially it seems that nothing has changed, but with that one action EVERYTHING has changed.

I feel like I opened the door of my life to God, and He’s leading me toward the precipice and not given me a glider but wings.

So, why do I feel stuck? I don’t know. I guess it’s the final countdown. He’s letting me finish what I’ve started here in this house, in this school, in this state of mind, and He’s getting me ready to let go.

Let go of all my doubts, and worries. All my anxious thoughts, all of my cares and desires. Everything. So, He can give me everything I’ve ever wanted.

I don’t know if that means marriage, or graduating from college. I have no clue, but I’m sure whatever it turns out to be it’ll be beyond my wildest dreams.

I can imagine what my life will be like 5 years from now, but I don’t see the accomplishments or my personal victories. When I see “myself” 5 years from now, I don’t see ME. I see Him. I see Him in every aspect of my life. I see Him in my heart, mind, soul. I see Him in every word, action, smile. I see myself talking to Him about everything. All my wants and needs.  I see Him leading me to the Man I will marry. I see myself trusting Him even if I don’t ever get married. I see myself doing His work. I see myself dying for Him, happily joyously. I see myself seeing Him. That’s what I see.

It gets me excited. I want to jump now, but it’s not time. Not yet. It’s all in His good timing. I just have to be patient, and enjoy the ride of my lifetime.

Meant to Live

We are meant for so much more than our just our lives. I often find myself caught up in "living life" that I forget that I'm not meant for this world that nothing in this world is worth living for. I get caught up in wanting to fit it, in wanting to be able to say the right thing, to not be looked upon like a freak for thinking of things that few or no one ever thinks about. I get caught up in my dreams and aspirations that I'm sure if I really wanted them and asked God for them he could bless me with, but then I think what is my REAL purpose?
I mean, yeah, I could got and do all those things that I want to do. There's nothing unholy about them if I kept God the focus of them, but would it have the same impact as what God wants for me. Ever since I was little it has been abundantly clear to me that I was made for something important. We all are, but for me it just seemed like more of a reality. It was brought to my attention if you will. It possessed my thoughts and prayers as a child. I just wanted to know what God wanted me to do so I could do it, and honestly there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that when God finally told me I would go and do it. But no that I'm older it's not so much that I don't want to do it, because I do. It's just that I still don't know what it is, and because I was so far from the Lord's will for so many years of my life I'm not as secure in knowing His voice. I also see things in my life that I could use toward glorifying my Lord, but I do realize that I am at a cross roads in my life. I'm only 17, but the decisions I make here impact the rest of my life. If I go to college I could miss my purpose. If i don't I could miss it. I'm surrounded by questions that I don't have the answer to. I don't want to miss out on what I've been blind to for the majority of my life.
I've come through a lot over the last year. Hearing the Voice of God and finally giving up something that has tormented me and plagued me for nearly 10 years of my life. Hearing His Voice and joining the church He called me to. Dealing with the outrage and denial of my family after joining said church. Struggling and fighting through the mental, spiritual and emotional anguish of seeing my parents not only despise but hate the place and people I have come to know and love. Surviving the threats of being thrown out on my own, the purple face of my angry father and the loss of abandonment when he finally kicked me out of my house. But most importantly, I have got to see the Hand of God move in my life so many times in this past year that I want Him to keep moving. I know it hurts, and that there are things that will bring me pain but I know it's not God whose hurting me. It's me! He has removed so much of me in this last year, and has replaced and repaired the emptiness with Himself. HOW CAN I BE EVEN LOOKED AT LET ALONE BE SO LOVED BY THE ALMIGHTY?! He continues to love me everyday, and I don't know how He does it. His ways are truly higher than our ways! He loves me! He is by very definition LOVE! I'm sitting here as I type crying because I am so moved. I LOVE HIM! more than any words could ever describe. Every time something broke down, crashed and burned He was there to fix it. All those nights I cried because of how my parents treated me after church, He was there with me. He made it worth all the pain and suffering just to get a glimpse of true fellowship with His children every Wednesday night. When I was facing a night on the street, He provided me with friends who literally fought over the next week who'd i'd stay with. He has surrounded me with His love and people who love me. I have never felt more safe inmy life then when I felt like I was going to lose everything. I never felt closer to Him until I literally said to Him, "You're all I need. You told me you'd be all I need and that you'd provide for me no matter what. I'm fixin to need a LOT of help Lord, but I'm ready and I love YOU!"
I was in so much pain, but I was still so excited to see what He'd do. I don't remember what the point of this blog was, but it turned out to be a mini testimony. This if you can believe it is only one year in my wonderfully touched story. I think the point of this blog was to say that were meant to live for somthing so much more than our lives. We get glimpses here and there that remind us of who and what were dealing with. This was just one of mine.


I hope and pray I learn what my purpose is. If your wondering about the same thing, then write me a comment about it. If you think/know what your purpose given to you by God is then PLEASE tell me! I want to know the ups, downs, pros, cons, joys and sorrows that come with continuously beholding and truly loving the Almighty! =]