We are meant for so much more than our just our lives. I often find myself caught up in "living life" that I forget that I'm not meant for this world that nothing in this world is worth living for. I get caught up in wanting to fit it, in wanting to be able to say the right thing, to not be looked upon like a freak for thinking of things that few or no one ever thinks about. I get caught up in my dreams and aspirations that I'm sure if I really wanted them and asked God for them he could bless me with, but then I think what is my REAL purpose?
I mean, yeah, I could got and do all those things that I want to do. There's nothing unholy about them if I kept God the focus of them, but would it have the same impact as what God wants for me. Ever since I was little it has been abundantly clear to me that I was made for something important. We all are, but for me it just seemed like more of a reality. It was brought to my attention if you will. It possessed my thoughts and prayers as a child. I just wanted to know what God wanted me to do so I could do it, and honestly there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that when God finally told me I would go and do it. But no that I'm older it's not so much that I don't want to do it, because I do. It's just that I still don't know what it is, and because I was so far from the Lord's will for so many years of my life I'm not as secure in knowing His voice. I also see things in my life that I could use toward glorifying my Lord, but I do realize that I am at a cross roads in my life. I'm only 17, but the decisions I make here impact the rest of my life. If I go to college I could miss my purpose. If i don't I could miss it. I'm surrounded by questions that I don't have the answer to. I don't want to miss out on what I've been blind to for the majority of my life.
I've come through a lot over the last year. Hearing the Voice of God and finally giving up something that has tormented me and plagued me for nearly 10 years of my life. Hearing His Voice and joining the church He called me to. Dealing with the outrage and denial of my family after joining said church. Struggling and fighting through the mental, spiritual and emotional anguish of seeing my parents not only despise but hate the place and people I have come to know and love. Surviving the threats of being thrown out on my own, the purple face of my angry father and the loss of abandonment when he finally kicked me out of my house. But most importantly, I have got to see the Hand of God move in my life so many times in this past year that I want Him to keep moving. I know it hurts, and that there are things that will bring me pain but I know it's not God whose hurting me. It's me! He has removed so much of me in this last year, and has replaced and repaired the emptiness with Himself. HOW CAN I BE EVEN LOOKED AT LET ALONE BE SO LOVED BY THE ALMIGHTY?! He continues to love me everyday, and I don't know how He does it. His ways are truly higher than our ways! He loves me! He is by very definition LOVE! I'm sitting here as I type crying because I am so moved. I LOVE HIM! more than any words could ever describe. Every time something broke down, crashed and burned He was there to fix it. All those nights I cried because of how my parents treated me after church, He was there with me. He made it worth all the pain and suffering just to get a glimpse of true fellowship with His children every Wednesday night. When I was facing a night on the street, He provided me with friends who literally fought over the next week who'd i'd stay with. He has surrounded me with His love and people who love me. I have never felt more safe inmy life then when I felt like I was going to lose everything. I never felt closer to Him until I literally said to Him, "You're all I need. You told me you'd be all I need and that you'd provide for me no matter what. I'm fixin to need a LOT of help Lord, but I'm ready and I love YOU!"
I was in so much pain, but I was still so excited to see what He'd do. I don't remember what the point of this blog was, but it turned out to be a mini testimony. This if you can believe it is only one year in my wonderfully touched story. I think the point of this blog was to say that were meant to live for somthing so much more than our lives. We get glimpses here and there that remind us of who and what were dealing with. This was just one of mine.
I hope and pray I learn what my purpose is. If your wondering about the same thing, then write me a comment about it. If you think/know what your purpose given to you by God is then PLEASE tell me! I want to know the ups, downs, pros, cons, joys and sorrows that come with continuously beholding and truly loving the Almighty! =]
About Me
- Pleasant Flowers
- I love the Lord with all my heart. I try and follow His commandments in every aspect of my life. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I fall down, but through His mercy and grace He lifts me up. He is my life, my love and my all. He is the only reason I exist, and the only one I live for.
6 comments:
Hi :) purpose.. wow that's been on my mind so much recently, and like you, i'm terrified that i'm gona miss it when God tells me what it is, that i'm gona be preoccupied with something actually unimportant. i feel like there's so much to do, so little time! i think there's a difference between purpose and calling... purpose being what we're ultimately here for, to glorify God, and calling being an individual call by God. i'm sure he'll call loud enough :) thanks for sharing!
So, it's my calling I'm wondering about? or my purpose? Yeah, i've been thinking about this for most of my life. Our purpose is to glorify God, and I'm wondering what my calling is...makes sense. Thanks for being the first to read my blogs! It makes me happy.
They're totally worth it!! you write really well :) the whole calling thing never really worried me til i got saved... now i really really really wana do what God wants, but have no clue what it is! his will is sovreign though so either way, he'll let us find it i think. proverbs 21 vs 1.
Oh! wow! I've never read that verse before...it really does put my heart at ease. I feel like an idiot right now though, because I've actually asked God to change my heart many times before. So it would makes sense if He can change it, He can direct it as well.
Don't feel silly :) that verse was drawn to my attention when i was struggling with this a few weeks ago, although i still am! just remember that as a child of God all your hopes, dreams and aspirations are from God... don't sit around trying to figure out his perfect plan, go out and do something and let him direct it. :)
Oh yeah, one more thing :) don't forget the holy spirit here... if somebody asks you would you like tea or coffee, your reaction is instant. when you're living in the spirit then bigger decisions should be just as simple to decide with the spirit in you guiding your choice automatically. it sounds pretty theoretical to me, but somebody told me that once, and its pretty true i think. so what ever you choose, don't doubt it too much :)
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